Nigga Trickery: How to spot it, and BOSS UP

Updated: Feb 20, 2019

Type of shit that really make you hate niggas

Type of shit that make you sit in a muthafucking room and listen to Khia “Don’t Trust these Niggas” like,

Type of shit make you wanna be on some muthafucka “Ima pop up on yo' ass and slash and dash” these niggas like,

Have you freestyling about these niggas

This shit…

Nigga Trickery: How to spot it, and BOSS UP

First of all let me explain that I did not coin the term nigga trickery. My lovely line sister, Sade Daniels (go check her out coined this while I was going through a very vulnerable moment during a relationship. I’m very glad that she brought this to my attention so I could become aware of it, process it, and share it with the masses. Now, that we have that taken care of, let’s get into it! What is nigga Trickery? It’s the ability of a human being (because a nigga can be any gender-just happens it was a male in my case) to manipulate a situation in a way that blocks you from being aware that you are being manipulated. Example, “I don’t know what it means to make you a priority… I don’t know what it means to be made to feel like a priority.” Now please, don’t get me wrong I know that there are things that we can go through that can block our ability to connect and understand interpersonal connections; however, we have to ask ourselves if we are addicted to suffering? This statement is a prime example of nigga Trickery because it is a manifestation of protective parts that have been created to trust the individual saying the shit and keep others deemed as “dangerous” out. Instead of dealing with what may be going on internally, bossing up and being an engaged partner in a relationship, individuals who are dedicated to the nigga trickery movement tend to rely on these protective parts. What are protective parts you ask? Protective parts are coping mechanisms individuals who may have been exposed to trauma utilize as a means to protect themselves.

WAIT A MINUTE: What’s trauma? Trauma has been defined numerous ways. To make it simple, trauma is a deeply distressing experience. With this in mind, remember that trauma can look different for everyone!

Example, a woman who grew up in a dysfunctional family learns at an early age that she has to protect herself, so as she grows up she continues to over dedicate herself in an effort to shine in hope that those who were responsible for her safety would eventually protect her in the way she needed. These protective parts learned at an early age also impact the way in which we are able to relate and build relationships with others in the long run. If we are not aware of protective parts that we have created, we may become susceptible to become a member of the nigga trickery movement (don’t do it!). So how do you spot nigga Trickery?? Look in the mirror!

PLUG ALERT: For an example of people looking in the mirror and being unapologetic about what they see head over to and check out the field notes of Black individuals living out loud and tackling mental health!

Now back to how to spot the Trickery. Look within prior to searching externally. Nobody can give you what you can’t give to yourself. Figure out what it is you need to give yourself to be happy, and that will lead you to expecting that of yourself first and foremost and secondly, those around you. When you are in tune with yourself, you begin to see the signs the universe has been sending you. See life is nothing but a big ass classroom. Just like when you have difficulty in school and get held back, the universe will hold you back in an effort to make sure you learn the lesson. The universe loves you enough to do this. It’s a choice to trust that.

MAJOR KEY ALERT: The best way that I can sum up how to spot nigga Trickery is to aim to be unfuckwithable. Now, I don’t have an exact source to sight for this term (ya’ll know I’m all about plugging the plug), but I do have a shoutout where I got the term. Unfuckwithable came from a sign in my manager’s office while working at Rainbow Co-op in Jackson, Mississippi during my PhD program. Unfuckwithable (adj.) means when you are truly at peace and in touch with yourself and nothing anyone says or does bothers you and no negativity or drama can touch you. It’s a process you have to be committed to.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s focus on how to Boss up and keep individuals that are members of the nigga Trickery movement out of your circle. When you are around individuals I suggest that you not only focus on how this person is making you feel, but I encourage you to focus on how you feel about yourself while you’re in this person’s presence. How is that feeling serving you? Example, if you have a significant other that makes you “feel good” but you’re constantly feeling not good enough in their presence, let’s go back and think how this thought and feeling is serving you? Where is this thought coming from? Is this a protective part that you’ve created, or is this a manifestation of signs that this person is not a healthy presence in your life? Or both? By staying grounded in what’s going on within you, you remain in the reality of the situation and not the illusions you may be creating as a commitment to a past you’re not mindful that you’re carrying into your present.

Now I hope that this blog helped highlight nigga Trickery and how we all can dead the movement. It’s only harming us. It blocks us from being able to effectively communicate with each other. Furthermore, it blocks from the development of identification of healthy boundaries. We create protective parts as a means to create illusions of what we want vs. what’s being presented in reality. This is why I thought this was important to blog about. Free yo’ mind and yo’ ass will follow!

*Any suggestions of behavioral change in this blog are strictly opinion and not related to the clinical work done by Dr. A. This is not a form of therapy, but a platform for discussion. Please use it as such.*

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